Recently I have plunged into the deep sea of so much work that I have little time to come to the surface and see the wife and kids and most of all God himself for any length of time.
In fact I’m encountering a problem where I see everyone and everything as an obstacle to the couple of hours time I have in front of the TV. It’s about the only energy I have the time for.
My manager was worried that if I took the extra work with Microsoft that I’d burn myself out. I was initially going to work a 7 day week but decided against it mainly because it’s at least important to have one day off to sort my life out but most of all because for Christian reasons I don’t like working a Sunday.
From the Monday to Saturday my hours are so evil that I do not get to confession. There is no confession on a Sunday so that option isn’t available to me.
I do often think about God but is that enough? Perhaps considering my circumstances it will suffice I just don’t know because I am blind to the mind of God.
What I do know is that I am like driftwood floating down the stream on a journey that leads away from God. Another description of my current predicament is that I’m like a dead fish going with the flow.
The more and more I drift away from God, the more and more sins I commit and become forgetful of him. My forgetfulness is not one of mindfulness but rather a forgetfulness of the soul whereby my soul no longer wants to bother praying and being Christian.
I definitely am mindful and think of/or about Jesus but I am distant and forgetful of him in virtue because I’m not actively praying.
I don’t like it but what’s a man to do? I have to make money and it’s not easy being a slave to it and not a slave to Jesus when you’ve a family to provide for.
I know someday the Lord will open a door for me.