about 6 years ago I left all study of Catholic Theology. The final nail in the coffin of my relationship with the Roman Catholic Church on that was the theological program I entered for a BA in theology. The lecturers were terrible and were so far left of any Catholic Theology I was left standing outside in the cold, smoking a cigarette with a friend thinking ”I have to forfeit my deposit and money again and I’m only 3 weeks here.” I’d already signed up for others only for it to happen repeatedly. I’d be broke by the end of the year if I kept it up so I stopped.
However what was more important to me than money was loyalty to Christ and my own peace of mind which was fragile. My supposed study buddy at the time was one of those guys you meet in high school who, when he saw you return from giving the teacher a bashing for telling lies, would whisper his approval of what you did but wouldn’t dream of doing the same or confronting the liar. This is because he wanted to succeed and so was willing to let them carry on giving bad theology without complaint. He had his own theological views that aligned with my own and of proper theology but all he cared about was himself and reputation in the eyes of his peers and teachers was his 30 pieces of silver.
I on the other hand, my whole life would always be the type to stand up and be very frank and blunt. It never won me any favours but in this instance I couldn’t stand by and allow the bad theology to circulate. However, I soon realised the Catholic Church is very sick at the moment and there’s nothing I can do for it because the corruption goes all the way to the Cardinal himself so where do you go from there?. I got too involved and wrapped up in it but now I’ve decided to concentrate on making as much money as I can, building my home and I want nothing to do with Catholics, their theology, their priests, religious or lay people.
My focus is a bit of prayer, confession and Mass on a Sunday and believe me, going to roman catholic mass on Sunday is the hardest thing I’ll do all week and I work hard in my current job but just half an hour at a Roman Catholic Mass is the hardest thing I’ll do.
I do it because it makes my wife happy and because I feel I need to for the kids sake as well as my conscience nibbling at me. Jesus knows this that If I had my way, I’d most likely be in the Orthodox Church by now.
Then I get a message from a Catholic Priest today asking me if I still had the Bible timeline DVD’s from theologian Jeff Cavins and If I’d be interested in meeting with him to discuss weekends in which I will facilitate the program for the parish. This is a response to a more than two year old suggestion that he take them from me and get the use of them. they cost my wife $400 us dollars at the time and she bought them for my birthday.
I saw they were not being used and suggested he take them if he wants them but he never responded. Now all of a sudden he wants to do it. I said I might consider it and will meet with him Saturday.
I am cautious though because to be totally honest with you, I don’t like getting involved with priests, religious or lay Christians anymore. They bother me more than I bother myself and dealing with my own self is difficult enough without having to deal with that lot. Throw me into a liberal, atheist, secular and mad queer bar or coffee house any day of the week over these people.
I’m serious, now I know why Jesus sat with the harlots and the cheats of his day. Not that I’m comparing myself to Jesus but having to deal with Christians is too heavy a burden for me to carry which is why I’m cautious about moving forward on this because I know if I do, then I will have to be committed to it. But I know I’ll go in for a few weeks and then I’ll most likely leave again and try to hand over the responsibility to someone else.
You see, I’m enjoying my break from all things Catholic and the Orthodox Church is keeping me sane so if I get involved with it again I’ll lose my mind this time. However I’ve agreed to go meet with him because part of me feels sorry for them and another parts still holding onto the little glimmer of hope that change is possible like the Husband waiting for his divorced wife to change her mind and come home.
I’ve given up music for Catholic theology and now I’ve given up it too only to focus on making money and staying on track to achieving my dreams and keeping God as first by simply doing the most important thing of confession and Mass. In addition to this It is my belief that the Catholic Church is a threat to my mental and spiritual stability which is why I’m careful not to get too mixed up in it again.