A woman close to me had lived for 25 years in a marriage of darkness, that is to say atheism. He was a complete and extreme atheist/secularist with no religion in him at all.
Recently he was caught having an affair with another woman who continued for four years.
Now he’s gone and we encouraged her to go back to confession and back to Divine Liturgy.
Today I saw her at mass with one of her children. The Second reading of Ephesians 8-14 and the Gospel Of John about the Blind man born that way from birth. I couldn’t resist but feel as if the Lord was speaking directly to her ”8 You were darkness once, but now you are light in the Lord; behave as children of light,”.
She lived in darkness for many years through all that atheism. I felt as if the Lord rescued her in some way. Not that Our Lord wants to see marriages fail and she did everything in her power to save the marriage but the affair continued.
Sometimes Our Lord removes people from our lives for our own safety. It is necessary that this happens but I do believe that God used this opportunity to shine a great light into the midst of such darkness to rescue this woman and her children whose souls have been deprived of Christ and his Church all these years.
Marriages are doomed to fail when God is not at its centre. Where there is no God, there is nothing but unrest in a marriage. Without a proper understanding of love beyond the realms of the flesh and that which we’ve been taught by the popular culture, our marriage becomes the playground of the demonic.
What happens most marriages is that spouses become bored with each other. Their false understanding of love as led them to fall ”out of love” with someone.
When we fall in love with someone according to what we think love is, we are saying ”You suit my shopping list of desires and wants. I would like you to be my vehicle of gratification now for the rest of my life. When you no longer become the vehicle of my gratification I will trade you in for another ( known as falling out of love).
Therefore we go through life thinking we love our wives, children, friends and so on. But like the blind man in the Gospel we never really see each other and only what we can get out of that person. This is what’s known as living in darkness. That isn’t love, you’re only in love with yourself. True love is when you see someone for who they really are, not what you imagine them to be.
How can husbands love their wives? By first discovering who they are. If I were to ask you who you are, what would your response be? I am a man. Nope didn’t ask you what your sex was. I am a plumber. Nope didn’t ask you what your profession is. Who are you? Suddenly when you run out of answers you begin to realize you don’t actually know who you are.
Once we discover who we are and who Christ is, we then give him a chance to illuminate the darkness within us that we may be able to see clearly the people in front of us. Then only then can we begin to love our wives when they get fat, go bald, no longer able to have sex because they had some sort of accident. When these things come, that’s when the true test of whether or not you love someone will present itself.
The vows at the altar are nice aren’t they? ”through rick or poor sickness in health” but I’d love to hear more than just that. Maybe they should add ”When he’s a big belly and loses all his hair, when he loses all his teeth and becomes a drug addict” and so on.
That’s what love is, most people run to the altar with stars in their eyes especially the women. Oh I’m gonna have my babies and big house and dream home but when the ridiculous image they’ve created of marriage in their heads doesn’t reflect the reality of what they experience several years down the line, all of a sudden now they fall ”out of love” and become bored and begin to literally lose their minds and commit adultery searching for their need in other men or vice versa with the man looking for his wants in other women.
You see in the midst of all of this running to exchange vows God is not at the center because he can’t get in there’s too much ”ME ME ME” and ”MY WEDDING, MY BABIES, MY CAR, MY JOB, MY HOUSE”.
If your marriage is going down the toilet as long as the marriage is valid, then do everything in your power to discover yourself and Christ. Love is not just an experience, it is an eternal truth that is only found in the living of the Sacraments and life of the Church.
Don’t allow Darkness to pervade your marriage and wait for a light to come. Become the light now.